Love After 40

How to Tell If a Guy Is Confused About His Feelings For You?

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Are you stuck in relationship limbo? You’re not just friends, but you’re not really dating… so what are you? The fact that you’re googling “how to tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you?” may mean that you are not too blinded by your emotions to notice that something in your love interest’s behavior is off. Or, it may simply come as a result of your own insecurities over past experiences. Let’s try to figure out what’s going on.

If you’re head over heels for someone but aren’t receiving much in return, you should definitely learn how to tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you. Below, we’ll dive into the most important tell-tale signs he doesn’t know what he wants and what you can do to move forward.

You’re Getting Mixed Signals

Does your love interest shower you with affection one day and is completely disconnected the next? If you’re getting mixed signals, your guy may be confused about his feelings for you. Healthy relationships shouldn’t constantly be hot and cold. If you notice a pattern in your guy’s behavior, try to initiate a level-headed conversation regarding the matter. 

Focus on sharing how you feel rather than attacking the other person. It’s also entirely possible that he’s just unaware that he’s causing distress or being uncomfortably inconsistent. Do your best to clearly define your needs within the context of your relationship.

He Hasn’t Defined the Relationship

The question “how to tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you” inevitably comes to our mind if we are still not sure of our relationship status after months of seeing each other.

If he’s not ready to define the relationship, try to find a time where you’re both in a relaxed state of mind and don’t be afraid to ask him how he sees your future steps. 

If he seems dubious or avoidant, there might be a larger issue at play. However, opening up this dialogue will make it much easier for you to gather some insight into what he’s truly feeling.

Before bringing up the subject with your love interest, it might be a good idea to figure out your priorities and deal breakers while you aren’t on the hot seat. You can even write out how you’re feeling to help solidify your non-negotiables before diving into your discussion.

He Isn’t Ready to Introduce You to His Family and Friends

If you’re serious about another person, you’re likely excited to share your new partner with friends and family. On the flip side, if he seems reluctant to introduce you to his nearest and dearest, it could be a sign that your guy is confused about his feelings for you. 

You can always make the first move by introducing the man to your inner circle first. This might make him more likely to follow suit or at the very least, open up a dialogue about where your relationship stands. In addition, friends and family members can help us get a fresh perspective on a new partner. It’s all too easy to become blinded by rose-colored glasses. 

He’s Not Letting His Guard Down

Are you asking loads of open-ended questions and still arriving at dead-ends? While having a mysterious allure can seem somewhat attractive, it can get old when you’re trying to connect with someone on an intimate level.

He may be trying to protect himself from becoming too attached before he sorts out his true feelings for you. If you’re having trouble breaking down his walls, don’t forget that there’s probably a reason why they’re still up. Take the lead and try to be as open and honest as possible when you feel ready. 

He Recently Got Out of a Relationship

If your new love interest got out of a relationship not too long ago, there’s a good chance he’s choosing to take it slow. This way, he can figure out his true feelings before becoming too emotionally involved. Your potential partner might need time to find closure with his past flames before he’s ready to jump headfirst into a committed relationship. 

As always, the best thing you can do is communicate with him. There’s also a possibility that he’s faced rough waters in the past so he wants to be extra cautious before he lets himself fall head over heels. 

At the same time, it’s important to be respectful of your own availability. If you’re starting to get frustrated about not knowing where your relationship stands, come up with some sort of agreement. You can pick a time period in which both parties will have to evaluate whether or not the relationship can continue.

Being direct can also help you determine if he’s still figuring out how he feels about you or if he’s leading you on. Plus, any healthy couple should be able to communicate and compromise. If anything, this is just good practice for the future.  

He’s Taking His Time

Usually, the budding stages of a new relationship are passionate, fiery, and borderline obsessive— there’s a reason it’s called the “Honeymoon Phase”. While this might not be the case for all couples, if he’s taking his time to show affection or move into the next stage in the relationship, he may be trying to solidify how he truly feels about you. 

You Aren’t Listening

Keep in mind that there is a possibility that your confused gentleman has told you exactly how he feels, you just need to make sure that you’re open to listening. Sometimes, we can close ourselves off from vital information by hearing (or not hearing) what we’d like. 

For example, if a guy tells you that he’s not looking to date, this does not mean that he’s confused about his feelings for you or that he’ll be ready to date down the line. Know that you’d only want to be in a relationship with someone who puts in as much effort as you do. Chasing down noncommittal partners under the guise of confusion simply isn’t worth your time. 

Can A Guy Who’s Confused About His Feelings Be Your Mr. Right?

Does the fact that you’re wondering how to tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you at such an early stage mean that you and this man will never get your “happily ever after”? No, it does not.

If you recognize one of the signs we listed here, pay attention to them and investigate further. But don’t let the fact that you’re not in your 20s or 30s put too much pressure on you and make you feel anxious about wasting your time.

Give yourself the opportunity to get to know the man you’re interested in and figure out if what you initially identified as confusion or lack of feelings for you may be the result of his own insecurities or part of his character.

A guy who takes his time when getting into a new relationship or doesn’t let his guard down easily may prove to be more reliable and stable in the long run than someone who passionately rushes in and seems convinced about his feelings from the very beginning.

Different Ages, Different Challenges

Even though you shouldn’t settle for anything that’s outside of your comfort zone, you can’t ignore the fact that different ages come with different challenges. I could tell you that you deserve to be in a relationship where you are a top priority, but what would that actually mean? If you’re in love with a single dad in his 40s, for example, would you want him to neglect his kids and only focus on you? I know I wouldn’t! What would that tell you about his sense of responsibility and what could you expect from someone like that in the future?

So, be reasonable and try to understand where these signals are coming from. Is your man struggling to find balance in life or is he really not willing to invest in your relationship as much as you are? 

If he doesn’t want to lose you, he won’t ignore your concerns, so don’t hesitate to address this issue with him. At the end of the day, the foundation of any successful relationship is clear and honest communication. If he isn’t willing to give you some additional insight, he’s probably not the best choice for you. Finding the right partner isn’t always easy, but it will be worth it once you discover your ideal match.